What to do when dating has worn you down
Dating fatigue is real and it is not a personal failing. It is usually a sign that the process you are using does not suit you, not that you are not suited to dating.
How to tell it is the process
These are process problems, and all of them are fixable without you changing anything about yourself.
- You are having the same conversation for the fifth time this week.
- You cannot remember who you have already spoken to.
- You are agreeing to dates you are not looking forward to, because you feel you should.
- You are measuring yourself by how many matches you have. That number has almost nothing to do with you and a great deal to do with how a particular app decides to show people.
Change the process before you change yourself
Lower the volume and raise the bar. Talk to two people properly rather than twenty badly. That is not a compromise - the evidence of anybody's experience is that fewer, more deliberate conversations produce more first dates than triaging a queue.
Put the thing you actually want in your profile, in plain words. Profiles that try not to put anyone off put off the people who would have been right, because nobody can tell what you are looking for.
Take a real break
Pausing your profile is not quitting. Most dating sites make this unnecessarily hard, because engagement is what they measure - a pause costs them a metric and costs you nothing. If you are opening the app out of habit and closing it feeling worse, stop for a fortnight. It will still be there.
The thing that is not on your profile
Nobody's profile captures what it is like to be around them for an evening, and that is what a date is for. If your profile is honest and your messages are honest, you have done your part. Whether a particular person responds is not a verdict on you, and treating it as one is the fastest route to giving up on something that would have worked.
You can pause your profile at any time from your settings, and nothing is deleted or hidden while you are away.