Starting to talk again after a divorce
Feeling rusty after a divorce? Warm, simple ways to start conversations, keep them light and move towards a first meeting at your own pace.
20 starters to use
1.I am a bit out of practice at this, so I might be slower than I look. How are you finding it?
It names the awkwardness lightly and invites the other person to meet you there.
2.What has been a good part of your week so far?
It is present-focused, easy to answer and opens the door to small, real details.
3.What do you like to do when you have some free time and no plans?
It invites a relaxed answer about habits and pleasures rather than a CV.
4.What is something you have enjoyed lately that you would recommend to anyone?
It gives the other person room to talk with warmth and enthusiasm.
5.Are you more of a plan-ahead person or a see-how-it-goes person?
It is playful, low-stakes and reveals something about how someone likes to live.
6.What is a small thing that made you smile recently?
It is warm, specific and gently shifts the tone towards the present.
7.What have you been curious about lately?
It invites thoughtfulness and gives a glimpse of someone's inner life.
8.What is your favourite way to spend a quiet stretch of time?
It is simple, restful and easy to answer without over-sharing.
9.What is a place near you that you have been meaning to explore?
It is local without naming a venue and can lead naturally to future plans.
10.What has been keeping you busy these days, in a good way?
It asks about work and life without making either feel like an interrogation.
11.What is something you have done recently that felt like a small win?
It invites a positive story and shows you are interested in ordinary achievements.
12.How do you like to spend time with the people close to you?
It opens up values and habits without assuming anything about family or friends.
13.What is a tradition or ritual you enjoy, big or small?
It invites culture, memory and personality in a way that remains open.
14.What makes you feel at ease when you meet someone new?
It is respectful, self-aware and gives useful guidance for the conversation.
15.What is a question you wish people asked you more often?
It is playful, gives the other person room to shape the exchange and can reveal what they value.
16.What is something you have read, watched or listened to lately that stayed with you?
It invites a thoughtful answer about culture without needing a specific recommendation.
17.If you had a free stretch of time with no obligations, what would you do with it?
It is imaginative, light and tells you something about how someone likes to recharge.
18.What is a food you would happily eat again and again?
It is an easy, friendly question that can bring humour and everyday detail.
19.What kind of company do you enjoy most: quiet, lively, or a mix?
It asks about preferences without assuming anything about the other person.
20.What would make this conversation feel easy for you?
It is direct, kind and shows you want the exchange to work for both of you.
Why these work
Starting to talk again after a divorce or the end of a long relationship can feel like returning to a language you once spoke fluently. The useful questions are not grand or clever; they are simple, present-focused and easy to answer. They give you both something to build on without asking either of you to explain your whole history before the first coffee.
These starters work because they invite a small, real detail rather than a performance. Ask what someone has enjoyed lately, how they like to spend a free stretch of time, or what they are looking forward to, and you learn about their temperament, humour and pace. You are not interviewing them for a role; you are finding out whether conversation feels easy.
Saying you are new to this again can take the pressure out of the room. A light "I am a bit out of practice, so I may be slower than I look" is honest without turning the meeting into a confession. Go at your own pace, and let the other person go at theirs. Warmth, curiosity and a little patience do more than a perfect opening line.
How to use them without sounding scripted
Pick one question that fits the moment, then listen to the answer properly. The follow-up matters more than the first line: "What was that like?" or "How did you get into that?" shows you are paying attention rather than waiting to deliver your next question.
Use your own words. A starter is a doorway, not a script, and it should sound like something you would actually send or say. If a phrase feels too polished, simplify it. You can also offer a little of your own answer first, which makes the exchange feel like a conversation rather than a form.
Give silence room. You do not need to fill every pause, and a thoughtful moment is not a failure. If you feel yourself speeding up, slow down. The aim is not to cover every subject; it is to leave both of you with enough ease to want another exchange.
What to avoid
Avoid using the date as a debrief. Long explanations of what went wrong, who did what, or how difficult the last chapter was can leave the other person unsure whether they are on a date or in a meeting. If something important needs saying, say it plainly and briefly, then return to the present.
Avoid hiding that you are recently separated if it is relevant to what you can offer. You do not owe a stranger your whole history, but pretending you are far further along than you are can create confusion later. A simple "I am recently out of a long relationship and taking things gently" is usually enough.
Avoid speed. Do not rush from first message to a meeting, or from a first meeting to something more serious, because you think you should be ready. Avoid turning the conversation into an interrogation, comparing the other person to your ex, or making assumptions about who pays. Let the pace be something you both choose.
Moving from talking to meeting
When the conversation has a little rhythm, suggest a simple public place: a café, a park, a museum with free entry, or a busy market. Choose somewhere you can talk and leave easily, and suggest a clear start and end so neither of you feels stuck. "I would like to meet. Could we keep it short and see how it goes?" is a kind way to put it.
Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be back, and arrange your own way there and back. Keep the first meeting short enough that you both have an easy exit. If you want to leave, you can say so politely and go; you do not need to justify it at length.
Do not assume who pays. Offer to split, take turns, or choose something low-cost and easy; the important thing is that the arrangement feels fair and unforced. Afterwards, say what you enjoyed if you would like to meet again, and be equally clear if you would not. A calm, direct finish is kinder than a slow fade.
Questions people ask
How do I start dating again after a divorce?
Start with simple, present-focused conversation and a short first meeting in public. Say you are out of practice if that helps, and let the pace be gentle rather than aiming for a perfect night out.
Should I tell someone I am recently divorced?
You do not owe a full history early on, but a brief, honest mention helps. Something like "I am recently out of a long relationship and taking things gently" keeps things clear without turning the date into a debrief.
How do I avoid talking about my ex on a date?
Decide before you go what you will say if the subject comes up, then keep it short and bring the conversation back to the present. If you notice yourself going into detail, pause and ask the other person something simple about their own week.
How long should a first date be after a long relationship?
There is no set length; keep it short enough that you both have an easy exit and can leave wanting more. You can suggest a clear start and end, and arrange your own way there and back.
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The situation, what works and what to avoid are 6on7's own editorial brief for this guide. The written guide is drafted with AI from these facts and checked automatically before it is published.