Getting-to-know-you questions for dating
Loose, everyday questions that help you learn about someone in the early weeks, with ways to ask them so it feels like a conversation, not a form.
20 starters to use
1.What does a normal Tuesday look like for you, start to finish?
It gets at ordinary life rather than a highlight reel, and almost everyone has an answer ready.
2.How do you get across town in the mornings, and does the journey bother you?
Small, concrete and easy to answer, it opens up where they live and how they spend their days.
3.What do you cook when you can't be bothered to cook?
It's light, revealing about daily habits, and invites a story rather than a fact.
4.What's the last thing you did that you'd happily do again next weekend?
It points to what they actually enjoy, not what they think they should enjoy.
5.Where did you grow up, and what do you miss about it, if anything?
The "if anything" gives them room to say nothing at all, which keeps it comfortable.
6.Who do you ring first when something good happens?
It asks about the people they love without prying into family history.
7.What's something you've got better at lately?
It's warm and forward-looking, and people usually enjoy answering it.
8.What's your Sunday usually like? I'm trying to work out whether we'd be compatible at doing nothing.
A bit of humour lowers the stakes while still asking about something real.
9.I'll go first: I've been rereading the same book for a month. What have you been reading or watching?
Offering your own answer first makes it a trade rather than a request.
10.What's a small thing that reliably makes your week better?
It invites a specific, personal answer without asking for anything heavy.
11.Is there something you've been meaning to do for ages and haven't got round to?
It's curious rather than nosy, and often leads to plans worth talking about.
12.Tell me about the last trip you took, even if it was a short one.
Travel stories come easily and carry a lot of detail about how someone sees things.
13.What did you want to be when you were about ten?
It's playful, hard to get wrong, and usually leads somewhere unexpected.
14.Is there a place near you that you'd take a visitor to?
It asks about their corner of the city without requiring them to sell it.
15.What's the best thing about where you live at the moment?
It stays positive and lets them choose what to share about their area.
16.Have you got a hobby you'd defend to the death?
The exaggeration invites enthusiasm rather than a flat list of interests.
17.What's been the highlight of your week so far, however small?
It's easy to answer on a quiet week and gives you something to follow up on later.
18.I'm curious about something you mentioned earlier — how did that come about?
Returning to an earlier detail shows you were listening and rewards them for sharing.
19.What are you looking forward to in the next couple of months?
It looks ahead, which feels hopeful, and gives you a natural reason to talk again.
20.What do you wish people asked you more often?
It hands them the choice of subject and often produces the most memorable answer of the evening.
Why these work
The early weeks are for building a picture, not filling in boxes. Questions about everyday life — how someone gets across town, what they cook when they can't be bothered, what a Sunday looks like — tell you more than a job title does. They're easy to answer and they open onto things people actually care about.
The good material is usually in the story behind an answer. If someone has just moved, ask what drew them to the area. If they mention a brother, ask what he's like. A follow-up tells them you were listening, which matters more than the cleverness of the original question.
Taking turns stops it feeling like an interview. Answer your own question briefly before handing it over, and you both learn at the same pace. Nothing about that feels like being assessed.
How to use them without sounding scripted
Don't work through a list. Pick the one question that fits whatever you were already talking about, ask it, and follow the answer. A slightly imperfect question in the right place sounds far more natural than a perfect one that arrives from nowhere.
Trade before you ask. Offer something small about yourself — what your week has been like, what you're deciding about the weekend — and then ask. It gives them something to react to and keeps the exchange level.
Leave room in the gaps. If the answer is short, don't push for a longer one; ask something lighter and come back another time. Saying "I'm curious about that, tell me more" often works better than producing a cleverer question.
What to avoid
CV-style questions are the main thing to watch. "What do you do?" followed by "where did you study?" and "how long have you been there?" turns a conversation into a screening, and most people can feel it happening. Ask about the texture of their week instead and let the details surface on their own.
Don't ask what you wouldn't answer yourself. Anything that would make you flinch — money, family fractures, past relationships, why the last one ended — is usually too much for the early weeks. If you wouldn't volunteer it, don't request it.
And don't keep score. Counting who asked last, who replied sooner, who revealed more turns something warm into a ledger. Ask when you want to know something, pause when you need to, and let the balance look after itself.
Moving from talking to meeting
When it feels right, suggest something short and public: a coffee, a walk somewhere busy, a market on a Saturday morning. Somewhere you can hear each other and somewhere that's easy to leave from. Daylight often takes the pressure off a first meeting.
Arrange your own way there and back, tell a friend where you're going and when you'll be in touch, and keep the first meeting to an hour or so. Leaving when you want to is easier when the place doesn't demand a whole evening.
The same questions work in person. Ask the ones you'd ask a friend and listen to the answers properly. If the conversation flows more easily in messages than face to face, that's worth noticing rather than reasoning away.
Questions people ask
How do I get to know someone without it feeling like an interview?
Ask one question at a time and follow the answer rather than moving to the next item. Answer a version of it yourself so the exchange stays even, and let some questions wait for another day.
What should I avoid asking in the early weeks?
Anything you wouldn't happily answer yourself, such as questions about money, family disagreements or past relationships. Job-title and education questions asked in sequence also tend to turn a chat into a screening.
How long should we keep talking before we meet?
There's no fixed rule — some people prefer to meet within a week, others take longer, and either can work. What matters is that you both feel ready, have agreed a short public meeting, and have your own way there and back.
What if the conversation dries up?
Try a change of subject rather than a change of person: ask about the week ahead, or return to something they mentioned earlier. If it keeps stalling, it's fine to say so lightly and suggest meeting, or to let it rest.
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The situation, what works and what to avoid are 6on7's own editorial brief for this guide. The written guide is drafted with AI from these facts and checked automatically before it is published.